i’d list what the thoughts contain but i feel they’d violate TOS for violence or something but i want to rip them to shreds with my bare hands and teeth, i’m tired of niceties anyone else feel this or is it just me
As people have tried to explain to you many times, being a westerner who obsesses over doing violence to other westerners (including extreme self hatred in your case) but with your alignment changed is not what being a revolutionary is. It is, in fact, more likely to find good company with fascists than with communists.
It comes down to, is the aim to succeed in revolutionary goals or to be obsessively revengeful. You can’t have both. The second one is bound to distract you away from logistics and strategy toward impulsivity and adventurism.
Having angry thoughts now and then is one thing. The extent to which you appear to be obsessive about it concerns me. It comes across to me like you need mental health care, more human connection in your life, and probably a better understanding of dialectical and historical materialism; the last one is important for understanding that people become what they are in large part because of material conditions, not because they conjured their evil out of thin air. With this in mind, it would be foolish for us to think we can deal with the problem by attacking the symptoms. This is why marxism is a science rather than a moral crusade. It’s not that communists don’t care about morality or twisted behavior, but that they don’t, as a practice, obsess over individual practitioners; doing this misses the complicated and embedded ties to the means of production and the relations to them, and so can become things like a desire for revenge against individuals rather than a holistic liberation campaign that “seizes the means of production”.
And to this point about material conditions, it’s the same for you. The seemingly obsessive vengeful desires from a westerner are themselves a product of the violence and dehumanization of western culture. So I can try to “treat the symptoms” in making a point to you, but the problem there as a whole will not be fixed via random attempts to educate. As long as western culture is so systemically violent and so dependent on exploitative relationships that dehumanize millions of people, it will keep producing people whose paradigm leans in that direction. It’s better if people in that place are on the side of liberation than on the side of imperialism and fascism, but it’s even better still if they’re able to channel it into long-term organization and theory about the science of liberation; both long-term in the sense of a long-term view and also in the sense of being able to last through infiltration, imprisonment, assassination, liberal attempts to water it down, and any other brutal tactic the exploiting classes can think of.
Violently destroying with no regard for human life is a very western imperialism characteristic. Doggedly investigating and building a scientific socialist force that can handle both confrontation and clerical management of a society, in the face of attempts to undermine, without getting lost in volunteerism, passivity, or watered down ideological lines, is the challenge that western organizations chronically keep failing at. And they’re failing millions of people, with many among those people who have the potential and the energy to bust their ass for the cause, but who keep bouncing off of orgs who accomplish very little while decades pass before their eyes.
i forgot to mention but imperialism is exactly why i CAN’T talk to a therapist about this in particular, sure they help with other things but as soon as they find out i’m anticapitalist they’ll report me for “looney left terrorism”
besides they’d also take me away if i ever talked about what i want to do to enemies of the movement for “extreme violent thoughts” yknow?
Fair concern. Depends some on the therapist and how they approach things though, as well as how you approach things. Like if you sound like you’re threatening/planning to do harm to yourself or others, I’d figure most therapists are going to see that as a red line where they need to report it. But if you’re just talking about anger you have and thoughts that arise in your head, you might not like what they have to say about it but they probably aren’t going to be rushing to report you. There are, after all, people who have OCD, who have violent intrusive thoughts and find their thoughts disturbing, and that causes great discomfort for them. Thoughts themselves are not usually treated as criminal in bourgeoisie “democracy” systems.
You could be more vague about it with a therapist, in theory, rather than going full detail. Like stating that you have a problem with injustice and it triggers revengeful thoughts in you, without even specifying what kind of injustice. I mean, it’s not like you’re obligated to reveal everything about yourself to a therapist. In general (this specific subject aside) way I see it is you share with a therapist what you think is necessary in order to get help. They don’t need to know every single thing about you to apply generalized practices and coping mechanisms. Now it is of course better if you can find a therapist you trust with personal details and trust to have your best interests in mind, but given the context, I think it’d be completely reasonable to be a bit more guarded with it.
You could consider it as something where you’re exploring options and opening up slowly, testing the waters, to see if a given therapist is someone who can help you or not. Therapists can range from people who go out of their way to seem ideologically “neutral” to people who will suggest god as the answer out of the gate. It’s unfortunately not a very reliable system, but it can have benefits if you find somebody who is decent for you.
only had them for one session so far so idk how to trust
All I can recommend as trust goes, is give it time and try to be patient with the process. And if the process is doing nothing for you, or making you feel worse, you can look for somebody else.
Hell, you could bring up trust itself with your therapist and get a conversation out of it. If they are any good at their job, they will probably be understanding about hesitancy in revealing things to a therapist and see it as an opportunity to build trust with you by communicating openly about comfort levels and encouraging you to share only based on what you’re okay with sharing. Not everybody opens up easy.
i could be doing things that actually benefit the revolution i fear
i’m starting to worry that these foul midterms will ruin any “potential” this wasteland of the westoid populace has for revolution which i feel sounds callous but it is true
In the US, I’m doubtful much is going to change from elections at this point. Even the reformists tend to be tepid in their suggested reforms and they are few and far between. And without reforms, conditions are going to keep getting worse and worse for people. In theory, reforms could be done to dissipate some of the discontent, but I don’t see a coalition capable of bringing it about right now.
the fact they all keep failing only makes me feel that something more drastic needs to be done soon and makes me angrier
The failures of socialists is something to be angry at. But acts of adventurism and accelerationism don’t help build a movement. If they did, places under extreme oppression would have spontaneous social revolutions. We find in history its quite the opposite. While harsh conditions might sharpen the contradictions, it is the vanguard party that is the missing piece to a successful peoples revolution.
I know it feels frustrating, and being in the west can make one feel hopeless and powerless. But it is this exact feelings capitalists want you to have. They want you to get so desperate you try to rile people in an act of adventurism or violence that only serves to satisfy yourself.
I totally understand the frustration, but this is a machine bigger than the act one one person. We have to stand together and organize. When we act alone we just fall. There have been several acts of terror done by single individuals in America against the ruling class. But they are caught or killed and it never sparks a wider movement. People must be agitated, and organized. If you must get this energy out, do it in radical agitation. If it just makes you angrier then direct it into a hobby.
well, the thought of inflicting some “freedom” and “democracy” american-style into anticommunists and fascism apologists is a normal reaction after dealing with hot takes and the absurd defense of the bourgueoisie by people that don’t have anything in common with them, when i feel that way i distract myself with fun stuff like music or drawing
Especially when I encounter people who pretend to care about such lofty principles as universal human rights and then turn around and support genociding and slaughtering people of color in designated-enemy-nations for having the gall to not roll over and die
Liberalism is one hell of a drug.
i say we steam them alive to maximize their pain at this rate
