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Joined 3 years ago
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Cake day: June 18th, 2023

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  • Move, and the further away you can get, the better. Bigger cities have the advantage of letting you get lost in the crowd, smaller towns can be good because it’s a lot harder for them to just show up and not stick out plus you can easily be on a first name basis with local officers.

    ​I broke contact with my family years ago, and my mother used to call the local sheriff and police departments claiming I was missing or in danger just to force contact. When you get to your new area, go straight to the local police or sheriff’s office. Explain that you are safe, an adult, and actively fleeing an abusive family situation. Ask them to make a note on your name so that if your family files a missing person report or requests a “welfare check,” the cops already know the deal and won’t give out your location.

    ​If you need help getting away right now, go to a local shelter or domestic violence center. Tell them what is going on and that you need out. They can give you a safe place to stay, help you get your bearings, and can often help set up bus transportation if you have a safe contact in another state.

    ​Since your brother has your full name, DOB, and SSN, here are the exact steps you need to take to protect yourself from a paper trail:

    ​Grab your physical original docs before you leave. Get your actual Social Security card, Birth Certificate, Passport, and State ID. Replacing these without a permanent home address is a massive headache, and leaving them behind gives your family leverage over you.

    ​Lock down IRS.gov and SSA.gov now. Create your official online accounts on IRS.gov and SSA.gov using a brand-new, secure email address before your brother tries to create them under your name. While on the IRS site, sign up for an Identity Protection PIN (IP PIN). This prevents anyone from filing taxes under your SSN, which stops people from using tax records or W-2s to find your new employer.

    ​Freeze your credit reports. Freeze your credit with all three major bureaus (Experian, TransUnion, Equifax). Don’t open store cards, and never give out your physical address for mail—use a P.O. Box or a UPS Store box instead. ​Switch to a completely new bank. Do not just open a new account at your current bank. Go to a brand-new financial institution that your family has zero history with or open up an account with an online only bank. Bank tellers fall for emotional social engineering from crying relatives all the time.

    ​Watch out for public record leaks. Voter registration rolls are public records in almost every state. Don’t register to vote at your new physical address right away, or look into your state’s Address Confidentiality Program (ACP) for domestic violence survivors, which lets you use a state substitute address on official records like the DMV. ​Ditch shared phone plans. Get off any shared family plan immediately. Get a cheap prepaid phone under your own name, and check your belongings and vehicle if you have one for things like Apple AirTags or hidden GPS trackers before you make your move.

    ​Stay completely off social media. Delete or abandon your current accounts. Don’t post about your new location, new job, or daily routines anywhere online.

    ​Taking that first step out the door is terrifying, but physical distance gives you control back. You are not nearly as trapped as you feel right now.