I’m gonna make the worker give me a sample of about 1700 of those. I’m allergic to the other 300.

It’s just a savory latte with bugs in it.

(These are lines from The Good Place. I actually like clam chowder.)

Clam chowder is just hot ocean milk with dead animal croutons.

Imagine your body slowly floating up to the ceiling. Or conversely, sinking down through the mattress.

People answering their own question in the post rather than making a separate comment.

Not a chocolate fan. I do my smores with salted caramel melting wafers.

I do not, in fact, know what that means.

To shreds, you say?

Am I doing this right?

I see you’ve met my ex-husband.

Him: “I don’t understand how you’re supposed to love your wife like your own body. I hate my body.”

Me: “Ok but you love good food, being comfortable, sex, etc. You show love to your body by making it feel good.”

Him: repeats original comment like I hadn’t spoken.

This comment is the equivalent of Charlie Kirk saying that random gun deaths were a price he was willing to pay to keep guns plentiful and available. That logic worked for him because he never expected to be the victim of the crimes he was willing to tolerate for his values. I suspect the same is true of you.

I like your style, let’s throw a party together.

I’m doing desserts. Usually macarons, but I do pies for Thanksgiving.