This worries me because he is exactly the sweet nice guy type all smiley in person but I’m losing confidence in how transparent he can be even if it isn’t the most comfortable feeling

Probably both. And in your pov I know that I shouldn’t invest in him and I’m in denial? This sucks. I just got these bad cramps and already said yes to meeting today and afraid I’ll regret cancelling last minute since he might walk away then

Which community would be better?

Means more to me than you know, thank you!

Sorry I’m just seeing your comment now. This is so well said, thank you so much!

This helps a lot, thank you so much! I hope I can find closure from within instead of having to ask them even while I’m trying this dating multiple people approach for the first time

Thank you so much! Sorry I’m just seeing your comment now. I’m still thinking about it sometimes and we did have a chat but I still feel baffled because it wasn’t adding up and either he didn’t want to say it outright or he’s just as confused himself.

Well said, you’re so right. I’ll keep trying even though this sucks!

He came back already and I’m even more confused. Updates in new post

I’m not a bot. Can you please elaborate on dating at my pace and being more honest with my prospective dates? Is it bad that I’m letting the kiss happen early on during our second date, or is that not the issue? I feel awkward declining but I know it’s important to stick to boundaries. I would definitely say no if they wanted to do more than that, unless it was later on, and I have communicated that before without issue.

I appreciate your input, but I feel the need to clarify how I’m seeing it. I can understand wanting to avoid drama and my intention is not to stir any of that (I’m tired too). I was just looking for a simple text out of plain courtesy rather than a sudden unmatch leaving me blindsided. I never alluded that I was too busy; in fact, I initiated and thoughtfully planned our second date, left the unavoidable professional event early to arrive on time, and believe it’s valid to want to maximize vacation time by unplugging rather than text someone I just met and have an uncertain future with. He stopped texting as soon as he finished planning out the first date (which he was indecisive about even choosing a place) which should have been the first red flag. It sucks to hear that I was way too invested and yet came across as cold, difficult, and unavailable - completely opposite scenarios. I had genuine intentions all along and feel that I deserve direct, mature communication given how invested he came across to me in person, or maybe that was just a show.

It’s also worth noting that we talked about deep topics on our first date just standing side by side looking at a really nice view. I’ve never gotten that personal with someone and we discovered all these coincidences of things we have in common but also areas where we’re different and tease each other in good fun. If that’s not it, what is? It felt like if this isn’t it I don’t want it, which makes this that much more disappointing and disorienting.

I did, thank you! I appreciate it. This is exhausting. I don’t understand why so many guys are just out to take advantage or bounce without even so much as a text. I can take it and would rather he be clear than give me breadcrumbs.

Thank you for commenting. Would you mind elaborating? Is it because his blaming me for perceived tardiness and complaints weren’t worth the meaningful conversations and physical moments we shared? We talked about deep topics on our first date just standing side by side looking at a really nice view. I’ve never gotten that personal with someone and we discovered all these coincidences of things we have in common but also areas where we’re different and tease each other in good fun. If that’s not it, what is? It felt like if this isn’t it I don’t want it, which makes this that much more disappointing and disorienting.

Couldn’t agree more. Like finding a needle in a haystack. Thank you so much I needed to hear this and was worried he’s the one that got away.

Me again. What if me addressing that topic where we didn’t see eye to eye can fix whatever this is though? Or do you think that never works and it would just make me feel worse since he will likely ignore that message too? Part of the frustration is my hyperfocusing on this too when there are million other things to get to.

Thank you so much! I was already wracking my brain trying to figure out what I did so wrong in such a short period of time to warrant this huge shift and wondering how someone can be so careless with their actions. I have been clear from the start about my intentions, spelling it out on my profile, and guys just seem to want to challenge me for some thrill that they’re not going to get. I really hope it’s not just boys left out there but so far it’s been slim pickings.

Thank you for sharing! I think you’re totally right but I’m just baffled at the lengths to which he went in stringing me along for this waste of time. He would pull out all the stops during our date, sweet little gestures that felt thoughtful. He even started by saying he’s looking for a long-term relationship after getting know people and seeing who’s most compatible, and he seemed completely genuine. When he casually dropped the line about a few situationships on our very first interaction, no wonder my gut took a turn.