I swear we could de-radicalize young men if this was talked about more. Just say hi to people
One of the biggest problems is that, outside of early school, there’s no real way to practice social interactions in a safe setting. The only real option is jumping straight in. If you’re already slightly socially stunted, it can be very easy to mess it up. It only takes a couple of negative reactions to put someone off for a long time.
I almost fell into the same hole when I was younger. Thankfully I realised what was likely happening and worked on it. I’m still not good at cold approach social interactions, but I can at least now do it without screwing up catastrophically.
there’s no real way to practice social interactions in a safe setting
There are small talk opportunities if you know where to look.
Dog parks are my favorite. Bring your dog, make small talk with the other owners, get to know some of them. It’s a low stakes environment that doesn’t cost any money, allows you to exit at any time, guarantees at least one shared interest or commonality with people who live near you. You don’t even have to talk to people the first few times you go, and can build up comfort/familiarity in the specific place before you take the next step of striking up a conversation with another regular you see a lot.
Another option is where unrelated parties might mingle in shared space: communal tables or bar seating at coffee shops or bars or parks or even restaurants. These fleeting interactions might help practice the skills of small talk, enough to where it’s easy to have conversations with strangers.
And sometimes you can outsource the actual cold approach to the extrovert strangers you might encounter, by giving them something to talk about. A baseball cap with your university, a T-shirt with your favorite band from a tour you saw live, a tattoo of something fun, other items of clothing or accessories that might attract positive attention. Sometimes people will say something about it, and then you can talk about a shared interest or background at that point.
Lines and waiting rooms are also sometimes good places to pass the time with conversations. It’s a little harder now than 20 years ago, with the rise of smartphones, but it’s still a place where people might be bored and appreciate a little conversation to mix things up.
That’s all dependent on where you live. Maybe where you live that’s socially acceptable?
Where I live that’s not socially acceptable. It’s considered rude and offensive to approach strangers in public spaces unless you have a prior social connection. Even the dog park is like that here.
The only place where it would be acceptable is at these socialization events, and those are often highly structured, like those events where you have to ask people questions on index cards in a weird attempt to force intimacy. ‘skip the small talk’ type of shit.
I fear for my kiddos because of this.
It’s now feeling offensive to approach people in public for any reason. As a full grown adult who is married, I feel awkward approaching someone at like a library reading a book I’ve read - they don’t want the interruption, they aren’t here to meet people; I get that. I’m just wanting to share my experiences and maybe make a friend.
Trying to find a partner is way harder.
I go out of my way to be gregarious in public spaces because I don’t want the normal to be people trapped in their bubbles and never interacting with the rest of the world. I’ve found that people sometimes light up when they are talked to, and that keeps me doing it.
I’m an introvert and it’s hard. You can do it too! Make small talk.
No. I’m much happier not having to deal with other people’s misery and pettiness. I used to be more social but I gave up because I was sick of having to listen to other people’s relentless negativity about their lives, or towards other people’s lives. I don’t want to hear people complain about their partners, their kids, their family/friends or their job, and how if only they were rich and single life would be perfect.
Further, where I live people basically just want to talk about how Trump Is Evil and They Are So Poor. Despite the objective reality they personally not impacted by Trump in any way and are among the richest people in the country. I’m not interested in indulging their bizarre delusions. And if you disagree on either of these ideas, you are Evil to them. I specifically quit a lot of things I used to do because this is all anyone wanted to talk anymore. And yeah they do light up when you let them run their mouths about their victimhood. Just like the majority of people on lemmy threats endlessly commenting about how oppressed they are despite their real situation being one of liberty and free choice in which they actively choose to cos-play as victims because it means nothing is their fault and lets dwell in their misery rather than take any personal accountability for themselves and their lives.
How do you convince yourself that 27 vs 30 is a difference that matters in any way
30 is the narrative online where you’re pretty much 100 years old. They’re convinced once you hit 30 you might as well be her grandpa. The manosphere propaganda feeds off ageism insecurity.
It’s the cultural narrative of where adulthood begins these days.
Childhood has been extended through your 20s.
it used to be 18 in the 1950s.
Current cultural narrative
Baby: 0–6
Kid: 7–29
Adult: 30–39
Old: 40–49
Ancient decrepit mummified creature: 50–120There’s a small window between 30 and 40 that is considered ideal. Everything else suffers from some kind of ageism
Yeah that’s crazy to think people in your HS cohort are too far in age to you to relate
My nephew is 16. He thinks he can’t date a 15 year or its pedophilia. He thinks this because it’s what all the other kids his age think and he is terrified of being called a pedo.
So when a girl who was a grade younger than him asked him out he said no, even though he really liked her, because he didn’t want to get socially ostracized for breaking the rules. Awhile later a girl who is 16 flirted with him and he asked her out, but that’s cool because they are the same age and there is no ‘power imbalance’.
There is a lot of ‘age paranoia’ going on in online spaces that has filtered out into the real world, such that an 18 year old dating a 16 year old (which I did when I was in HS) is considered horrible and awful, not normal and acceptable.
And some folk extend this to various other ages and perceived ‘age gaps’. Like 28 year old dating a 24 year old being considered ‘predatory’ now. It’s stupid… but people believe lots of crazy/stupid things and you aren’t going to convince them otherwise because they like using age gaps as some sort of measure of moral acceptability for other people’s relationships.
