Con: The nationwide garbage can raiding crisis has spiraled out of control.
Pro: The Iran war ended on day one.
Con: ICE is now systematically and indiscriminately abducting and deporting dogs.
Pro: Diplomatic relations with Canada have improved measurably.
Con: The entire future of private healthcare now hinges on whether insurance companies contain food.
Pro: Insurance companies do not contain food.




I’m very concerned about the future of The Onion. We have reached a point where the actual news is more absurd than satirical “news”.